


Balderdash

by cherrycupid



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cowboys & Cowgirls, Everyone Is Gay, Gay Panic, Genji Shimada is a Little Shit, Hanzo Shimada is Bad at Feelings, Jesse McCree & Genji Shimada Are Best Friends, M/M, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Young Hanzo Shimada, Young Jesse McCree
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24935086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrycupid/pseuds/cherrycupid
Summary: Hanzo and Genji LOVE placing bets. "Bet you won't ask dad to paint your nails," "bet you won't wear a mismatching pair of shoes," and so on. Little things. Sometimes, though, one of them will pull out the big guns.Genji's roommate in college, Jesse McCree, has been bothered endlessly by his mother to bring someone home for the holidays. So he does what any "sane" man would do: ask his best friend to pretend to be his boyfriend. But Genji has someone else in mind.Hanzo's never been out in the countryside. What better way to learn how to ride a horse than on the longest break a student could get?---Lots of "Hanzo is a spoiled little brat," and Jesse, this poor little cowboy, is just trying to make his mama happy.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada
Kudos: 33





	Balderdash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well it ain't like I got much of an option, now do I? In case y'haven't realized it yet, I can't exactly sleep on the couch."
> 
> "And just why is that?"
> 
> "You do realize we're 'dating,' right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, seeing as this is my first post on AO3, I figure now would be a good time to introduce myself! But I'll keep it short. I'm Cherry, and I love writing, and that's all you need to know lmao
> 
> As I said, this is my first post, and first fic I've ever written at all, actually, so please go easy on me!
> 
> I don't have a set schedule for posting yet, but I would like to stick to one-two chapters a week, as I have a lot of offline priorities to take care of.
> 
> Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy making fun of young(er) Hanzo as much as I do x)

Legs crossed at the ankles, hands folded neatly in his lap, Hanzo wondered how the hell he got himself in the middle of the United States. Rather, the rear end of it. Truthfully speaking, he knew exactly how, but he wasn’t sure why Genji suggested it in the first place. It was a bet, as they had commonly done, and this time his brother had declared that Hanzo would never last in America on his own. Much less in the country. He immediately took the dare, hardly at all knowing what he got himself into. For the time being, he distracted himself by keeping one earbud in for the majority of the car ride, blasting music over whatever horrible choice Jesse had decided on. Upon hearing his overexcited voice over the radio, he begrudgingly removed the bud from his ear. And perfect timing, as his music had just stopped. No wonder, as a quick glance out the window revealed they were absolutely in the middle of nowhere.

"Ya hear me? You're gonna need to know about my family if you're gonna meet 'em."

“Fine,” he grunted. It wasn’t like he had much else to do, anyway, and listening was easy enough. Surely, Genji had already told countless tales of their own family, as his mouth seemed to never stop running. He wrapped the earbuds around his phone before folding his arms. Hopefully whatever he had to say would be interesting enough. Apparently not. 

"Now there's Dahlia, or Dolly, n’ Daisy, the twins. My younger sisters. They're mighty sweet. And of course there's mama, y'all'll get along just fine. And then the dog, Bubba, - Dolly named 'im - and our animals. You like animals?"

“Fish. Koi fish,” Hanzo responded sarcastically, knowing full well there wouldn’t be a single one perhaps in the entire state. Whatever animals they owned here, he suspected, were likely as clean as the road in front of them. Speaking of which, he immediately rolled up the window, seeing the cloud of dust forming. The clouds did remind him of one good animal, though. “Do you own sheep?” The ones he’d seen back home were very different from those in America, and judging from pictures they looked as if they didn’t belong on the ground at all.

"We do!" the cowboy replied all too eagerly. "Why ya ask?" A simple shrug was the response he received. "Aw, c'mon now. There must be something you'll like. What do you do for fun, besides stay on that phone'a yours?"

"I enjoy swimming."

"Swimming? I mean we got a creek nearby, but no pools if that's what'chure lookin' for."

"No thank you." A laugh and a punch on the arm followed, causing Hanzo to rub the spot angrily. He was much too touchy too fast. And he had to put up with this for how long? Nearly a month?

"Y'know, Han, can I call you that? Han, you remind me a'my sister's cat. Cranky. Keeps to himself. He's sweet, though. Hopefully you'll turn out to be, too."

"And you remind me of a street dog. Noisy."

"Well. Alright then. And here's a thought, if we're done with our chores early one day I could bring you into town. You'll probably get cell service there."

"Chores." Oh, how lovely. And here he thought this was supposed to be a winter vacation. Some time away from the stress of schooling, but instead he was expected to help out. And on a farm, no less. Was he not their esteemed guest? Fit to be taken care of and fed beautifully made dinners each evening? Perhaps that was too much to ask in such a place, then. Perhaps that was the true reason Jesse's mother insisted he bring someone home for the holidays. She needed someone to assist her, and Jesse and two young girls weren't any help.

"I think you'll survive a few days off the phone."

"I know I will survive. But that does not mean I will enjoy it."

\---

The rusty, old truck came to a sudden stop, and Hanzo immediately grabbed the armrest. A bit dramatic, yes, but he already felt like he couldn't trust this man's driving. That along with the fact that the road had many twists and turns, kicking up rocks and dirt as they went. However, finally, there was some greenery to bless his eyes. Releasing his grip on the arm rest, Hanzo sat up straight, leaning forward just a bit to take in the view in front of him. It was nothing like the scenery back home, of course. Everything there, each piece of architecture, every street and path, was organized and decided upon carefully. Here, it seemed, you could do whatever the hell you wanted. Quite honestly, majority of the properties they had passed seemed like an absolute mess to him. This one was just a bit more pleasing. A beautiful white farmhouse stood in front of them, although some of the paint seemed to be chipping off. It had a large porch which was surprisingly kept rather clean, apart from an old swingset. To his left were what seemed to be the beginnings of a new fence. Genji had said Jesse had an awful habit of leaving much of his school work half-finished, and had to constantly be reminded of it. Looks like now it was Hanzo's turn to deal with it. "You ready?" the cowboy asked before exiting the truck, rudely interrupting Hanzo's thoughts.

"Is it too late to turn around?" he joked, waiting for Jesse or anyone else to come around and open the car door for him. When it became apparent that there was indeed no one to treat him like a prince, he groaned and let himself out. He winced as his shoes hit the ground, the sun beating down on him like he hadn’t ever seen. What a horrible mistake he’d made to not bring sunglasses.

Just as he hopped out, the screen door swung open and out came a pair of young girls, probably around fifteen or so. One with her hair in braids, one with her hair completely down. The girl with the un-styled hair remained by the door, her face barely peeking out. The braided-hair girl ran straight up to Hanzo, smoothing out her skirt before giving a curtsy. "Hiya! 'Names Dahlia, or Dolly; y'know, like Dolly Parton? Anyways, you've got real pretty hair! You should let me braid it sometime."

Hanzo raised a brow, turning to Jesse confusedly before giving Dolly an awkward nod, followed by a quick "Hello. Maybe. Sometime." And he thought Jesse spoke too much. This girl never shut her mouth, it seemed. At least she was taught some manners.

"Miz Dahlia McCree, get your bee-hind over here and help me finish this pie!" shouted a voice from inside the house, accompanied by a short woman hurrying out onto the porch while drying her hands with a towel. "Oh, Jesse!" She was essentially an exact copy of Jesse - or, the other way around. Same freckles along the bridge of the nose, fawn brown hair kept above the shoulders. The only thing really different about them was their heights, as she was only a bit over half her son's. Hanzo guessed she was barely five feet tall. But while he was observing their similarities he completely forgot to watch what she was doing, realizing just a moment too late that she was running towards the two with open arms. Jesse had just rounded the truck with their bags, dropping them at his feet to accept the embrace.

 _You have_ got _to be kidding me._

His arms remained pressed tightly at his sides as the two Americans grabbed him. The hug lasted far too long for his liking, and he spent every second of it leaning back, trying to pull away. "Not one for huggin', huh? Well that's alright, then. Pleasure t'meet you, Hanzo, we've heard so much about'cha!" the mother beamed up at him, folding the towel in her hands as she spoke. "You've got yourself quite the looker, Jesse."

Jesse laughed shyly, picking up the bags. "Yep, sure did. C'mon, I'll show you upstairs," he began to walk towards the house, looking back at Hanzo and nodding towards the door, indicating that he should follow him quickly. So he did, after giving the mother a weak smile and a nod. 'So much,' she'd said. What had this cowboy told his mother? Rather, what did Genji tell him? He couldn't imagine it was anything good, but Jesse had to have something to describe his apparent 'boyfriend' to his mother. Just the thought of his brother telling someone about all of his 'positives' made Hanzo chuckle. That must have been very hard to do. The two argued constantly, despite how close they were. Compliments were unheard of in the Shimada household.

"Alright, now we've only got three rooms up here, one's mine and the other two are for the girls. You alright with that? I mean, I can sleep on the couch, but..."

"I can sleep on the floor."

"Really? You sure 'bout that?" Jesse swung the door of his room open, tossing the bags onto his bed before throwing himself right next to them. Hanzo didn't allow himself to set any high expectations, although _this_ definitely wasn't what he was expecting.

The right wall was lined with shelves, all adorned with ribbons, trophies, and framed photographs. A quick turn of the head and he saw one photo with Jesse proudly holding the head of a horse to his cheek, the horse's neck being completely decorated with an arc of flowers. The cowboy had on a wicked smile, with a large blue ribbon in his other hand. Said ribbon was kept right next to the picture. Thinking it'd be much too nosy to keep looking, Hanzo looked around the rest of the room. Underneath the shelves was a desk, although it was completely empty, much unlike the shelves. Still the wood looked old, chips around the edges and such. Opposite of the desk was the bed. While it was full sized, it looked much smaller due to the unnecessary amount of pillows. Those could easily be moved to the floor, if it weren't for how absolutely disgusting the floor was. Carpet. And by the looks of it, it probably hadn't been properly cleaned in ages. Hanzo imagined it being a plush, soft texture, and white, rather than its current light tan. Of course, the last thing in the room was Jesse himself, who was currently laying on his back and smiling at Hanzo. Awful. He hadn't even thought to change out of his dusty attire before crashing on the bed.

"...Nevermind. The couch will do fine."

\---

"This again? I thought we had settled on an agreement."

It was after dinner, now, during which they'd discussed what things Hanzo would have to do the next day. Most of it was just Jesse showing him around more, and teaching him about the care of each animal they owned. Absolutely nothing that he was interested in, of course, although he did acknowledge that he would have to get used to it all quickly. That, and the food. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't anything like what he tasted before. The plate put in front of him looked messy, with every item touching and overlapping. He could hardly separate the tastes at all. _Now,_ they were back to the sleeping arrangement question.

"Yeah, actually, again. Look, I'll take the floor if you want the bed."

"That is... Disgusting."

"Well it ain't like I got much of an option, now do I? In case y'haven't realized it yet, I can't exactly sleep on the couch."

"And just why is that?"

"You do realize we're 'dating,' right?" Jesse chuckled, adding air quotes for emphasis on how ridiculous his point was. He was right, though. Sleeping in different rooms could look a bit odd to his mother, who seemed to think that they were inseparable. The cowboy had even gone as far as to hold his hand at the dinner table, holding it up proudly in front of his family. 

"...Fine. We can _share._ But keep a respectable distance." He was already comfortably laying down, and shifted over until he was nearly falling off the bed. One wrong move and he was sure he'd fall right on to that awful looking floor he so despised. His expression was kept blank, staring straight up at the ceiling with his hands folded neatly over his chest. 

Jesse took that invitation all too quickly, hopping on the bed next to him before turning to stay on his side, facing the opposite direction. "Alright, uh... 'Night, then? Unless you wanted to ta-"

"Goodnight."

"Night."


End file.
